Snow covered hills

As I was sitting on my window ledge drinking chai tea and watching the snow fall on a giant lump of mangled Loblaw's shopping carts, I realized how much I enjoy my life.

For the first time in a long time I am content. I am happy with who I have become, and happy with the way my life appears to be unfolding. I love school, I love Ottawa, I love living on my own like this.

I also realized how much I'm not looking forward to going back to Owen Sound for the summer. It's not that I don't want to go home, it's just that I don't want to leave my life here.

I feel bad for having these thoughts. I miss my family and my home, but I think that by the end of summer I'll just be itching to come back to school. Even after a few weeks home at Christmas I couldn't wait to come back. I look at my friends, and they all look forward to going home and I wonder. I wonder why it's been so easy for me to let go, I wonder why I hold little attachment to Owen Sound.

I think that now I see Owen Sound as incredibly stifling, while the borders of Ottawa seem endless. There is nothing for me in Owen Sound, there is everything in Ottawa. I'm glad that my parents understand this. My Mother even told that she doesn't want to come back to Owen Sound when I graduate, because there's nothing for me.

While I am content with my life, it's also very scary. What will happen after graduation? Am I as independant as I think I am?

As Stevie Nicks wrote,

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life


Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you get bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older too